As you may or may not know, I've worked in Surgery for almost 4 years! The OR is a cesspool for crazy stories! Mainly about things that are found in certain patients. The photo above shows me holding a 4 gauge cervical dilator that was found up a dude's urethra in his bladder. How it got there, we will never know, seeing as how most of these patients lie about how these things get there! Most common excuses:
"I got really drunk!"
"My girlfriend's really freaky in the sack!"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time!"
"I don't know!"
...and our favorite...
"I accidentally sat on it!"
I would like to list some of the stuff we've found in patients and I'll end it with a crazy story where we didn't take anything out...just off:
WE FOUND A CUE BALL AND A #12 BALL IN TWO SEPARATE PEOPLES BUMS! I'M SURE A GOOD EXCUSE HERE WOULD BE A BAR FIGHT GONE BAD!!
IMAGINE THIS JAR IS FULL OF NUTS AND BOLTS...NOW IMAGINE IT INSIDE AN OLD DUDE'S POOPER! HEY, SAFE KEEPING IN CASE HE NEEDS TO BUILD A NEW CABINET WHEN HE'S OUT! YOU NEVER KNOW!
SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T HAVE ANY IMAGINATION!!
NOTHING LIKE A FRESH HINT OF FRENCH LAVENDAR OR VANILLA BEAN SPARKLE WHEN RELEASING FLATUS...OH, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIGHT IT? OOPS!
THIS WAS COVERED WITH A TROJAN AND THE GUY STILL SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I ALWAYS KEEP ALL MY CONTRACEPTIVES ON MY HAIR PRODUCTS!
WE FOUND TWO OF THESE EYELINER PENCILS IN A GIRL'S STOMACH! NOT NECESSARILY GROSS...OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT THEY WERE IN THERE FOR A MONTH!
THIS WAS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE, AND, COINCIDENTALLY, THE SAME TIME I DECIDED THAT MEDICINE WAS FOR ME!!! THIS IS THE QUART SIZE, BY THE WAY!!
THIS WASN'T FROM DOWN BEHIND...IT WAS DOWN IN FRONT OF A WOMAN...THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT!!AND LASTLY:
This is a picture of tongue bars, or studs, or whatever you wanna call them. We had one dude come in with one of these through his "bits", just like a shishkabob. Needless to say, it got infected. By the time he came to the hospital, the infection spread and it needed to be amputated. When I say "it", I mean everything. His entire "situation"!The moral of all these stories: DON'T BE STUPID!!!
Thank you!
6 comments:
Wow Dave I'm impressed! We've seen X-rays and have heard the tales, but that's quite the personal CV of recovered foreign bodies you've got there. Hopefully none of it was too personal of an experience, especially not the last one - HA!
Oh my gosh! I didn't understand some of them and the corresponding body parts, but holy cow! People are stupid!
What up Murph....there's nothing like a good bottle up your A......
Hey Murph- Remember me? I'm Allen's cousin (used to live with the Campbells back in 2004). I just wanted to say hi and tell you I'm glad life is going well for you. Wow! You have an awesome job. The people are crazy you have to deal with! Good luck and have fun!
i can't believe how dumb some people are. seriously.
-melissa
p.s. so you know how i'm pregnant? well i have crazy dreams and last night i had this dream that a bunch of us went snowboarding but all i remember is you, allen and me and we were going back to the car when all of the sudden we fell in this frozen lake and there were hundreds of people trying to get out of the ice cold water and they were dying but we swam to the edge and escaped. it was scary.
hahahaha! I actually had a class on this kind of thing. And one part of the class was about the kind of piercings that men put on their ya-ya. There was one that was completely covered with piercings. I think that's a good example of being all dressed up with nowhere to go.
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